My husband is singing my praises

It is not my birthday. Not our anniversary. Not his birthday. I did not make his favorite meal. Did not let him have the remote (well, I did, but he always has it). So why is he praising me?

My life is lived in prayer asking God to make me the woman I am meant to be. The wife fit for him.

So, why today? He is always loving, kind, affectionate. He always brags about me. Why more today? Why more hugs? More praises? What brought this on?

We went to church. Rick is the building administrator for a church and this means we need to be there early. Part of his job is getting everything ready, making sure everything is working, heat/air is right and no one has made a mess that requires last minute clean-up. He needs to clean the pulpit as it is a Plexiglas and shows every finger print so this is always a last minute job.

My part on Sunday is to make the coffee that is out for everyone and to set out the communion.

We were both busy at work when a man came in. He works with the video equipment and always comes shortly after we do. He went to do his work and about 20 minutes later his wife came in. She plays the piano and comes early for the praise team practice.

What does all this have to do with my husband? Why did he suddenly come in the kitchen loving me and praising me to others?

Mr. X was told by Mrs. X that he did not do his job that morning before he left and he had to go home and make the bed. Rick heard that, I heard Mr. X come in the kitchen for coffee and announce he had to run home to do his husbandly duty and he was just told about it. Later my husband told me what happened, and announced that he was so glad I was his wife!

Any of you that read my blog know that I promote the husband is the head of the home and wives are to not be the ones wearing the pants. We have no right to order our husbands to do anything. Husbands are to be loving, wives to submit when there is a difference of opinion.

This incident reminded me of how messed up our Christian marriages have become . I am not going to repeat previous posts about husband/ wife relationships, but I want to add to what has been written.

My husband was praising me, being affectionate, bragging about me "in the gates" all because I was letting God work in me. He appreciates me. He does things for me. He lets me have say in things and often agrees with me. Not because I make him, but out of love.

Wives, if we ask God and seek Him to make us into the wives we are to be with a meek and quiet spirit, honoring our husband and respecting him it will make a difference. He will brag about you in a good way, be more loving than you can imagine and want to be with you.

Treat him with disrespect. bossy, controlling and dishonoring and you will not only have a husband who wants to do his own thing, but you will also have to face God for not being what He intended for you to be. One other thing, it will also make your husband have to stand before God and explain why he was not the man of the house and did not rule his family well. In the end, it will fall back on you.

Pray today, that God will make you the wife He intended. Get out your Bible and find all that is in there for wives. We can all improve, but it takes relying on HIM.

Showing love 20 frugal ways

How often do you show your husband you love him and are glad he is there? How about your kids?

I used to think I did not have the money to really show them, or him. I would see things I knew that he would like but did not have resources. Sometimes it would be a way to decorate, or a special gift etc. However, it does not take money, or very little, to show your love and give reminders everyday of your love. We need it and so do they!

I would like to list special ways you can show your man you are there for him and you are still in love with him.

• leave little notes, in the shower, his lunch (kids lunch) under his pillow. You can make cards on the computer or by hand or just a quick "I love you" on a scrap of paper shoved in by his book mark in the book he is reading, at his computer etc.
• On the same note, (hehe, not literally, pun there) you can leave something you like about him, appreciate or thank him for. ( I appreciate how much you tell me you like my cooking, or how hard your work for us, etc)
  
• If he usually comes home from work and wants something to drink, have it ready for him.
• Have his socks, underwear etc dug out of the laundry basket so he does not have to dig when he is getting dressed. ( my kids are grown now, but I remember how it was getting all that done with 5 kids around, but pulling them out for him to dress in the morning makes a big difference.)
• Ask him if there is anything special he would like for dinner. Let him choose from what is in the house.
• hug him often
• kiss him often
• be playful... you know what I mean!
• give him peace when he wants to read the paper for a few minutes. He needs his unwind and switch gears time, then let him know about your day.
  
• Don't be a big spender so he has to worry about paying the bills!
  
• Be frugal
• Men do not talk like we do, they give a brief version and that is it. Show him you are interested in what he says, ask questions, but do not "nag" at him.
• Thank him for all he does, not a "thanks for everything honey" but a "thank you for changing the light bulb for me, I could not reach it. You are my hero".
• Make him your hero and tell him. Men need to know that.
• Have a honey do list, but do not nag, and when he does it praise him and let him know you appreciate him.
• Let him know you appreciate him (even if he did not do it) if he feels appreciated and loved he will do more for you and the family.
• Save your loose change and take him out for a meal or a dessert or something special.
• Tell him you love him again, and again and again!
• Tell him you would marry him again
• get the cat out of his favorite chair before he walks in the door.
  

These are just some ideas that do not cost money. You probably have more and I would love for you to tell me in the comments!

What? You do not "feel" this way about your husband? Start finding small things to thank him, etc. Do it just because he is your husband. Eventually you will feel it and he will change as you change. It is cheap, frugal and very mighty!

For more frugal ideas go on over to Biblical Womanhood!

Wedding, Branson and great fun!

Last weekend my husband, mom and I traveled from Texas to Missouri for the wedding of my niece. Becca was such a pretty bride and I wanted to share a few pictures with you.



They were married on Feb. 29 and had a really nice wedding.

I had never been to MO before and this was a real treat. On Saturday my brother took us to do some sight seeing as well as to enjoy a meal at a famous restaurant and see a show in Branson.

If you ever get to go to that area, check out Lambert's Restaurant. You will have a dinning experience like you have never had before. Be ready to catch your rolls, eat all you want, drink all you want (non-alcoholic!) and not spend a whole lot of money. Check out their website!

Branson is a great place as well. We went to see Pierced Arrow and if you want great laughs, good music and some good patriotism check out their site as well. The comedian Jarrett Dougherty is one of the funniest and versatile guys I have seen. If you can't go, get his CD and enjoy!

My Mom Is Here!

My mom has come to visit. I live in Texas, she lives in NJ and she has flown out to be with us till March 5th. As a result, my posting will be a bit short and not so often. We will be going to a wedding in MO over the weekend. Life gets busy when there is visitors!

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have family and I am glad for my large one. Enjoy your family while you can, they are not with us forever.

I will be enjoying my mom!

For the love of your husband

Today is Works for me Wednesday and I want to share something that really works, not just for me, but for most wives.

Some time ago I wrote about honoring your husband and how today's women seem to have a problem in that area. Yesterday I was reading some of the blogs I normally read and went to Real Life's post "All Husbands are idiots..." It is not what it sounds like and really worth reading.

As I read her post I was thinking about what works for me. I am in my second marriage, both to wonderful men. My first marriage was for 29+ years and ended when death parted us. I am now married to another man who is a gem also.

While I can't take the credit, because I feel God is the one to get all the credit, I can tell you some things that I do and do not do that I know makes a difference. Both husbands have told me so.

• I praise my husband. He has many good features that are worth praising.
• I talk positive about him to others. My talk is uplifting, letting others see his good qualities.
• No negative talk to others. If i have had a problem that I did not know how to handle I sought out someone older and wiser and one that had enough wisdom and sense to not hold anything against my husband (and to keep their mouth shut!). This has almost never been an issue, but in 29+ years of marriage there were a few times where I was dwelling on negative and could not see it.
• It is ok to tell funny stories, if they are not degrading. We have some funny things that happened that could be told in a negative way, but yet do not have to be. For instance, and my husband would tell you this one himself if he were writing, he has a bad throwing arm. We live in Texas and sometimes there are rattlesnakes in the pasture. He was crossing the pasture to look for a cow that was down and saw the snake in the path. Rick decided to hit it with a rock. He threw, missed, threw missed, and so on until he had this nice fort built up around the snake. That snake was peaking out the hole, sticking it's neck out, then its tongue out and hissing at my husband, then ducking back behind the fort. I had to go out to the pasture with a shovel to kill the thing. (He did the killing, eventually). My hero! We laugh, but I could make that into something really negative and put him down to someone.
• I try to make dinners he likes, get him drinks when he is working hard and such little things to show my love.

My list goes on, but by doing these things it keeps my mind in a positive frame, shows him I love him and keeps us close. It also works to make him want to live up to what I think of him. He changes as I change and it works for our good.

I would like to ask that if there are those reading who have blogs that promote and are in line with what I am doing here (please read my purpose) that you send me an email using the contact on the sidebar. I would like your blog name. I would like to get other links for blogs and resources that are in line with my stand and desires. Thanks

This works for me! For more works for me ideas go to Rocks in My Dryer.

Happy Valentines Day!

I hope you are having a great day! While I know that valentine's day is not the same as your anniversary or birthday, it is a special day to honor those you love, especially your spouse.

Today, I am thinking about how blessed I am to have the man I have in my life. He is my love, my best friend and my blessing.

Today, I am thinking about what an honor it is to be his wife and to be the helper God made for him.

Today, I am thanking God for this privilege.

Today, I am praying I can be all I am to be that he may be all he is to be.

Today, I am also thanking God for the 8 children we have together, their spouses and the 18+ grandchildren. (+ because there is another one on the way!)(scroll down the link).

Today I am thanking God for my readers. I am so glad for each and every one of you!

Happy Valentine's Day Y'all!

Redesigning our mind

I do not know about you, but I love HGTV. Not everything, but I love the shows where they tell you how to use what you have. There are several of them, but the ones I like to watch are freecycle, Design on a Dime and Design Remix.

Freecycle they rearrange the furniture, grab furniture, pillow, sheets etc from other places and when they get done the room looks totally different than it did before, but you have spent no money.

Design Remix is a lot the same, but they spend $50 plus paint to show how to make a room look totally different.

Design on a Dime actually buys things and paint, when you come back home it is a new room. Problem is their dime is $1,000 mine is .10! However, you can get some ideas for decorating what you have.

I have a student interior decorator coming to my home as part of her class work and portfolio. She is not charging me but is helping me rearrange what I have to look better. I have bought paint (oops paint at Home Depot) and painted one wall in the room and I will need to buy knobs for the cabinets, but so far my living room looks so much better, and it was all my own stuff that I had!

Yes, it meant getting rid of some things that clutter, things I did not want to part with. It means taking some things and making them less prominent in the room, and other things more prominent. Even though for me it might be upsetting to get rid of or move things, it is much better afterwards.

I began to think of this in another way. So many of us get unhappy where we are, or with our spouse, kids or church. The situation may look bad, may be awful yet God has an answer. We fight and kick when He is trying to do the rearranging bu,t if we let Him, it will be better.

There are things in all of our lives that need to be uncluttered, moved, thrown out. I have been going through a situation here that has had me beside myself. Frustrated, upset, ready to run (no, not from my husband! ) but it took someone close to me to point out that I am here for a reason and that they can see so many changes in some others because of me. She encouraged me not to leave the situation, but to know I am being used of God in a mighty way. She told me to pray more and rest in what God is doing.

I needed to rearrange some thinking, get rid of some clutter in my mind and open my eyes to see how I am being used. I am praying for wisdom, instead of fretting. I am asking to be used more, instead of getting depressed or running.

What is your situation? Are you frustrated, negative and feeling that you wish so and so (husband, kid, etc) would straighten up? Know you are there for a reason. Work on your attitude. Work on de-cluttering your mind and ask for wisdom to be the woman of God you are meant to be.

This hurts, probably more than getting rid of the physical things in the house. We have baggage, harbored hurts etc that need to go. It is in letting God work in our lives that we can look and see how we can be used. Let Him do the rearranging, in that room in our mind as well as in the situation. He has a plan, work with Him for our families and our personal lives.

Honor your husband

I seem to have "forgotten" something in the vows. Honor. It is a word we do not use towards our spouses. We use it for soldiers (unless we protest the war) we use it for kids "honor your father and mother" but do they know what it means? Usually we are telling them to make them obey. We want companies to honor our coupon, or a sale, or their return policy. But what does it really mean and what does it have to do with our spouse?

Again, I go to Mr. Webster:

synonyms honor, homage, reverence, deference mean respect and esteem shown to another. honor may apply to the recognition of one's right to great respect or to any expression of such recognition . homage adds the implication of accompanying praise. reverence implies profound respect mingled with love, devotion, or awe. deference implies a yielding or submitting to another's judgment or preference out of respect or reverence .

Reverence? Honor? Me? To him? yup! Some may be smugly thinking "man I am glad I did not have that in my vows." Problem is, it is what God expects of us also.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1Peter 3:7

Honor all people, ( yup, your husband is a person!)love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. 1 Peter 2:17

You know what I found? I would go to church women's meetings and most would start with gossip, from there it would go to the bad things that their husband does. This would then be gossiped by the rest of the people there. Everyone would "help" by telling them what they should and should not do because their husband does such and such or else it was like a "who can top this" time where people the women would really get going about how bad their husband is. My husband was pastor of five churches over his 30 years in the ministry. I would go to the women's meetings and end up trying to change it and finally giving up and not going any more. It was supposed to be a church women's group, or women's missionary group and was just a gossip and husband bashing with some Bible and how to help the missionaries in between.

Then there are the women who down their husbands, in public and to their face. "I told you not to do that" or "why do you always..." etc.

Honor? Respect? Reverence? I think not!

Think about things you say to and about your husband. In honoring and respecting him you are also honoring and reverencing the Lord. It will have a major impact on your husband and for the Lord. It is not the way the world thinks, but it is the way God wants us to live. Like love, it is not a feeling, it is a decision to do, an action. Not because we may want to, but because it is right.

Till death do us part

I do hope you all had a great thanksgiving and remembered to thank the One Who has given you all things.

This post was to be up long ago today. Instead I have been trying to get up a sign up for a newsletter. I spent all day on it and still do not have it working. Frustration!

Today I have been thinking a lot about my family. I have four kids in Maine, all grown, married and parents. My oldest son has four kids, the next one down has two. My oldest daughter has two step kids and the middle daughter has five kids. All of them live in Maine. My youngest lives in North Carolina and she,too, is married and has one child. My husband's three kids are all in Texas and close. They are married and each have one child and one has a second due in March.

For me holidays are hard. I love all my children, step and ones I gave birth too. It is hard being away from most of them all the time. Money limits my seeing the ones not in Texas. Birthdays and holidays make things so hard.

One thing though, I have a wonderful husband who understands my feelings and hurtings. He loves me dearly as I do him. When I think of our vows I feel the better and I feel the worse in being away. His home was in Texas, mine was with my family. He owned his home, I was a vagabond of sorts. Moving here had it's heartaches and still does at times. However, I know I married the man God chose for me and that it is till death do us part.

So many think it is till they get tired of each other, or someone better comes along or they do not want to be married anymore. Death do us part is as long as we are living on this earth.

God does have some exception. Adultery is a reason that a marriage can be broken up and the other person have the right to remarry. However, it does not mean they have to leave the offending spouse. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing if the person means it and regains the trust and respect by proving their apology.

I also believe that abuse needs to mean a separation for the safety of the abused party. If the abuser gets counseling and is healed, than the reconciliation should happen.

Till death do us part is a wonderful promise when you are married. It is a security that living together can't give, If you are not yet married, pray for the man you will marry and that God will bring him into your life. Pray for God to direct you both and for the assurance to both of you that this is the one.

I am so happy with Rick. God led us together and gave me the assurance that even though it was a move to Texas he was the man I should marry.

Pray Pray Pray!!

Love

"To love ..." We all have our ideas on love. I love my dog. I love Law and Order. I love the ocean. I love my car and I love my kids. I also love my husband. Different loves.

When the Bible speaks of the love between a husband and wife it is an action word. It is not the mushy gushy feeling you have for the person. Emotions and mushy gushies come and go, but love lasts.

When we promise to love we are promising action; nurturing, cherishing, kindness and putting the other one first.

God is love, we love because of God's love. Without Him it is very hard to keep love going. It is hard anyway! I mean, what couple really has perfect harmony with out a lot of effort and prayer?

Rick and I get along well, I prayed much before we ever married so some things just work. However, we both have to overlook faults with the other and do a lot of loving actions. Some may feel this is hypocritical. However, since love is an action, not a feeling, the action will bring about the feelings if it is done with the right attitude.

What happens when you get on edge with each other? What steps can you take to be loving?

• Cool off yourself. For me, sometimes the cooling off comes by doing something when I do not want to. If we are of different opinions about something and get into it, sometimes just doing something nice for him or something he has wanted ( like the pants he likes that popped a button the last time he wore it..2 months ago) I will fix the pants, make a special treat etc. I cool off knowing I am doing something for him, and he cools off getting the special treatment. We are then free to talk things over.
• Take a walk. If you opt for taking a drive, be sure that you are not so upset that you are not safe on the road. If you drive, get him/her a treat if you can.
• Take a shower or bath. Somehow it just relaxes
• Do not come at each other with negatives, sarcasm or threats. This will not build love and will destroy what you want as goal, even if at that moment it seems like what you want to do.
• Pray! I walk and pray, or do things and pray. It helps me get my perspective back and gives me ideas for showing the love I need to be showing.
  

Love, it is a beautiful thing. It is a commitment to the other person that you will be there doing for them no matter what. It is a bond. I find love can be so easy, yet there are times when it is stretched. However, if we go into the marriage knowing that it is for life and that the mushy gushy may come and go, since it is not love, love will last. Love is a decision we make and an action we take.

One caution here. If you are being abused or your children are, you need to get out and get help/ I am not saying divorce, I am saying help. We love, but sometimes love needs to make the other person responsible for what they are doing and give them the option to change. This is a hard decision, but out of love you need to do something to make them face up to it. The marriage can go on and be loving if you get help. Abuse is not love, nor is putting up with it dangerously.

Sickness and Health

Sickness. It comes to all of us at one time or another. Maybe all minor things, injuries, flu's, colds etc. but sooner or later there will be something more than the minor. Old age hits and we slow down even more (at least most of us!).

I have been shocked over the years of the number of marriages that broke up over sickness. Someone comes down with something serious and the spouse takes off, has an affair or just walks out on the sick person. Promises were made, but abandoned because the bad came.

For me, I can speak from experience about sickness. One year after I married my husband became diabetic. It was hard to accept, but once we did we worked together. You see, the sickness is not just one person's problem. Becoming one flesh, means that the spouse's illness becomes your struggle too. For us, we decided that the family was going to eat one meal. I would make his diet and we would eat his diet. For years I did not use more than 5 lbs of sugar in a year, and that was for cookies at Christmas or kids birthday cakes.

Back then you did not have blood tests at home, so you had to watch your urine. The sugar was slow to register, so ups and downs were more unpredictable. I learned how to tell if he was low and to care for it.

In 1995 he had a heart attack at age 46. He lay in the CCU for 3 weeks not knowing if he will make it or not. Our lives really changed at that point. Doctor errors caused his kidneys to stop and his heart to drop down to hardly working. The next 4 years were filled with care giving and the stress of knowing he could drop dead at any moment.

Sickness. It may not come as it did to me, but I can't imagine someone having their spouse walk out on them at that time. My heart was so filled with love and compassion on my husband that being there and being all I could be was not just a matter of a vow, even though that was important, but a matter of love.

Health is easy to take, but when you are committed to your vow and your love, sickness is much easier to handle.

Pray for your commitment to deepen and your love to grow.

Oh Poor Me

For "richer or poorer". Do you know what couples fight about the most and split up over? Money. Yup, for some reason so many of us marry with "happily ever after" in our minds and that means no money problems as well.

Not that many years ago people married knowing they would need to struggle. The poorer part was a given. You started out, worked, saved sacrificed for the things you needed and wanted. Nothing was handed to you for the most part, you did not have credit cards to get what you want, you worked and saved and sacrificed. There were not as many divorces back then either.

My husband and I had not money when we married. We married, did without, started out with a chair from here, a part of a sectional for a couch, my old trunk for a coffee table. Our bedroom set was old that was being parted with by a relative. The kitchen table came from somewhere else and some things were even garbage picked from off the street.

We did not have to have the newest nor the best, but felt fortunate to have anything. There was no credit cards to lull us into thinking we could afford anything different.

Our car as was old one that I had bought, from there we went to older that we could dig up and would go. Rarely were we ever broke down on the side of the road and the one time we did have problems were exciting and provided something to laugh at in later years.

Poorer was real.

Richer not even imaginable. However, to us it did come when my husband got a good job while in seminary. We actually made over 6,000 that year (1974). (Man we were rich!)

Today people thing they need to start out with it all, they already have credit card debt entering a marriage and then they add more. No wonder the marriage has a struggle. You can't go on accumulating debt and feeling rich when you are actually in way over your heads. Marriages split, or are miserable to say the least.

My suggestion is to sell, get rid of, pare down and pay off with what you make. There are thrift stores, freecycle, sharing in giving and other places to find used and cheap furniture and items.

Be frugal, do not let money come between you and your spouse. Live cheap and expect the poorer. For some frugal ideas check out Biblical Womanhood. She has a lot of her own plus other people list theirs on Frugal Friday.

For Better or Worse

Wow, here it is Tuesday already and I am behind in my posting. I seem to be having a lot of "One of those weeks" lately. How about you? Seems things just are too busy, stressed, plans made and then you can't follow through because of the fires that pop up and need to be cared for immediately. They can sure put a stress on your life, marriage and family.

Our vows say "for better or worse". DO you sometimes feel the worse out weighs the better? It may not even be a problem between you and your spouse to begin with, but rather life. Life happens. Plans get all bummed up. The past may come in to haunt us, an accident may happen, sickness, things just unseen ahead of time.

My first husband and I had a good relationship. Great in fact! Yet when we married he was in school and it was rough. I planned on working him through college and seminary before we began our family. HAHA Our first was due on our first anniversary. We had decided I would be a stay at home mom when the children arrived, and now we were being tested. He made $30 a week at a part time job while going to college. I had been supporting us. Ut oh, some "worse" was happening! We kept with our decision and trusted the Lord. He supplied in ways I never thought possible.

By the time seminary was over we had 4 children, no money but God had cared for us. We did not live on welfare, yet had our needs supplied. However, we had also gone through sickness where he lost a year of seminary, layoff at his job and had no income till he found another and numerous other "worse".

I could go on as to the "worse" we had to deal with over the years until his death, but it was a lot of sticking to the vows and not to feelings.

I am now remarried and there are different kinds of things to deal with. To me living in Texas is a "worse". I am away from family, it is not very pretty, there are rattlesnakes and all kinds of things that bite or stick you. (On the other hand no snow to deal with!). I have a husband that had been married before and divorced. He has his past and it is now part of me to deal with. Some of the worse most would think. I have to deal with an ex on a weekly basis. Our plans get interrupted because of his past family. (Lest you think he has young children, he does not, they are all married and have families). We still have to deal with it as well as other things. He came with baggage, I come with baggage and this is part of the worse.

Finances, living conditions, anger, loss of job, loss of a child, many things come under the worse banner. I also find the "worse" is different for different people. You may love Texas with it's rattlesnakes and heat, for you that may be a better, for me it is a worse.

One thing I want to say, and I know many may not agree, part of the worse that you are vowing to should not be abuse. Today there is so much abuse. Maybe it has not changed, we are just more open to talk about it, but I believe it is more. Drugs, drinking, selfcenteredness and sin in general has made abuse so common. Having your life in danger by a spouse is not part of the vow. I believe it calls for a separation and counseling if the spouse is willing to go, or you go alone if not. If your life is in danger, get out. If your kids are being abused, get out.

Better or Worse. We all want the better and dream of the better, but every life has it's worse times too. Plan on it coming.

One thing to those who are not married yet. I watch some of the court shows on TV. I have them going while I am doing things. Not sure why I do, maybe because I find it so hard to believe that there are people out there like the ones on these shows, yet they are real people. In my mind crazy much of the time, but real. There are a couple of these judges that really impress me. One professes his Christianity without shame. I enjoy him, as he can be really harsh, but usually tries to be fair. Another one is divorce court. I do not sit in front of this taking in everything, however, that judge is so concerned about these people and seems so wise.

She made a statement to a couple that only dated about a week before marrying. Her warning and advice was to all those thinking of marriage. She said : Make a list of your prospective spouse and write down 10 things you do not like about that person.

I thought that she was being strange at first, but then listened. She said if you do not know 10 thinks that are negatives you do not know them well enough to marry. Everyone has 10 negatives... at least.

Then look at your list. Can you live with those negatives? Be they personal, his/her family, his/her habits etc. Can you live with them if they NEVER improve?

For better or worse. Believe me, the worse will come. Stick with your vows and turn the worse into something to bring you closer to each other.

Wedded

We looked at the vow we make at our wedding ceremony in a previous post and today I would like to look at some of the promises we made when we were making that vow. Wedded husband, wedded wife. I thought about this and wondered why we say that, of course we are marrying them and this is a wedding, seems so obvious to me. I looked up the etymology of the word "wedded". Here is what I found:
Wedded:

Middle English wedden, from Old English weddian; akin to Middle High German wetten to pledge, Old English wedd pledge, Old High German wetti, Gothic wadi, Latin vad-, vas bail, security.

Pledge seemed obvious, but Bail? Security? What is bail? Again I went to the dictionary and found out it is

to remove from danger or harm "the government bailed out the savings and loan industry".

In marrying someone and pledging our vow to be their wedded husband or wedded wife we are also saying we are their bail, their safety net. I must admit there is much security in having someone going through life with you. When you are down, usually they are there to help you up, and vice versa. We are pledging our support, our becoming one with this other person and to be there for them no matter what happens.

Wedded, even the word itself says a lot about the strength of the vow we are making.

Next we see : to have and to hold from this day forward.

Have.I have a computer, I have a pen, I have a husband. But wait! It is more than that. Again, I consulted Mr. Webster:

a: to hold or maintain as a possession, privilege, or entitlement
b: to hold in one's use, service, regard, or at one's disposal
c: to hold, include, or contain as a part or whole

Simple word like have, and look what is involved! We are vowing that we are their possession and they are ours, we will be at their disposal and they at ours. YIKES! What are we getting ourselves into?
Wait! it gets better, we not only say "have" but we say "and to hold"

Hold:
a: to have possession or ownership of or have at one's disposal
b: to have as a privilege or position of responsibility
c: to have as a mark of distinction

There are some of the same ideas with have and hold, but one is reinforcing the other in the strength of the pledge.

I want to say something here, to have at ones possession or disposal does not allow for abuse, but rather a unity. We will look at more of the pledge and especially of love itself in a future post, but I do not want anyone to think that because your husband or wife made a pledge of marriage to you that you have the right to be bossy or abusive (physically or emotionally).

It is a marriage, a becoming one flesh as God put it, a unity. I am hoping that we can all strive for that unity, a God centered marriage and family.

Showing Love

On Wednesdays I am going to be offering some ideas that work for me in my marriage, relationship with kids or Spiritually. I am hoping that they will be of some use to some of you where you are in your life. Rocks in My Dryer has a Works for Me Wednesday and there are many ideas for doing all kinds of things, so when you are done here hop on over there for some other ideas. Since my blog is about the command in Titus 3:5, I want to keep my thoughts on this line.

I love to please my husband. I am not saying I give up all of me just to make him happy. I have opinions, I have wants, I have my unwritten "honey do" list. (Note I said unwritten. We will discuss that later.) Even when I do not feel it, I show him love. I have found it is usually the little things that mean so much.

• his favorite sandwiches, even if I do not like them and eat something else.
• encouraging him when he wants to try something, especially if is does not cost much. My husband loves books and studying. When we make a trip to Austin he likes to stop at as many half price books as he can, as well as the thrift shop book sections. I love thrift shops, so they are no problem at all, and I like books, but not as much as he does. I do not complain about the book stores, and he lets me have all the time I need in the thrift shops and fabric or hobby stores.
• "Can I get you a drink" while he is watching TV or on the computer.
• Make the bed. For my husband this was a real treat and now he makes it if I do not get it done in the morning.

Know what small things make him happy, and do them. It shows love even if you do not feel it, makes him know you are there for him and it has it's own rewards (eventually for some) for you.

Oh , Yes, the unwritten "honey do" list. Most men cringe at seeing this list on the frig, mirror in the bathroom etc. Or even knowing that every day they are off you have planned. They need down time the same as you. I have my list, but I ask him for the important thing at a time after he has had his down time, ask for him to see when he could do it and if he thinks it is a good idea. Usually after we talk, he knows it needs to be done and will find the time to do it. Not always in MY time frame (in fact almost never in MY time frame), but it gets done... eventually!

Mistakes Christians Make in Love

Last night I was laying there awake at 3 AM. I had a dream that woke me and then I dozed off and had another dream on the same line as the first. Something out of the ordinary, nothing I was thinking about at bed. By now I was more awake. When this happens I pray and think. Last night God brought to mind a fellow blogger that is currently going through something I experienced and know too well how she feels. I prayed for her for some time, then my mind went to some other thoughts.

As I laid there thinking about something that was brought to my attention this week I realized that it is something that I need to discuss here.

Christians are getting very caught up in what the world says instead of what God says. One of the biggest areas I see is with the family, with love, and with commitment. Remember the little ditty sung by school kids: "first comes love, next comes marriage then comes _____ with a baby carriage"? Today it is all messed up. I think there are many out there that have never heard that because it has long since been considered out dated. However, it is not out dated with God. God still has those priorities. He calls sex outside of marriage "adultery, fornication and whoremonging". Living together before marriage, sex with someone not your spouse and a same sex relationship are all out of God's will and commands. We can't expect His blessing.

Today we see all of these among Christians who claim to be following the Lord. If you are really a born again Christian and are in one of these relationships you will, sooner or later, be chastised by the Lord. Unhappiness, guilt ( the biggie that comes out in different ways) or an uneasiness. If it is an extra marital affair you can be sure that if they cheated with you they will cheat on you at some point.

My heart has gone out to couples who love the Lord and are caught up in these types of relationship or lifestyle. This week someone we know has had their partner walk out. The hurt is there. With no marriage bond, she just left him with no recourse.

Another place Christians get caught up is in marrying the wrong person. In Corinthians it says to not be equally yoked with unbelievers. How many ignore that command? They think it will work, they think they can change him or her and win them for the Lord. It is a command, DON'T Do It! Yet we think we know more than God.

Ever see oxen pulling a wagon or plow? They pick two about the same size, even strength or else the cart or plow will go in circles.
A Christian and a non-Christian have two different goals, two different destinations. The Christian: living for the Lord and heaven, the non-Christian: living for self and hell. It is like a tug of war game each one having different goals and destination.

Again, you can't change your spouse, only God can. Disobedience will not bring blessing.

If you are a Born again Christian, God has a lifestyle for you. Vows, proper steps and blessing are all part of it.

Marriage Vows

When I married the vows I made were as follows:

My Husband said:

"I, Rick,
Take you, Peggie,
To be my wedded wife;
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to honor,
'Till death do us part."



My response was:

"I, Peggie,
Take you, Rick,
To be my wedded husband;
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love, honor and obey,
'Till death do us part."

I am sure in some way or other your vows were similar. Yet how many of us will sometimes, even secretly, think of breaking those vows. I mean "till death do us part" is a long time! For better or worse, wow!

I want to look at our vows over the next few posts. See what is really in a marriage vow. Today I want to look at what a vow is, since we make one when we marry we need to know what we made or are going to make.

Merriam Webster defines a vow as:

a solemn[serious] promise or assertion; specifically : one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition. (brackets mine from his synonym for solemn)

When we make a vow it is not to be done lightly. It is a binding to act, binding to a condition (marriage) and binding to a person (our spouse). The Bible says our word should be truth, and that our vows should be kept.

Today too many people do not take their vows seriously. We have disposable marriages. Statistics are not good for people getting married today (and progressively worse for 2nd, 3rd etc marriages) as they do not understand or want to go into it knowing it is something till death do us part. Is your word worth anything? Do you mean what you say? Have you thought through what you did the day you married?

Take a look at your vows, if you are married. If you are not, really contemplate those vows before you step into a life long relationship. Remember, you make those pledges before people. sometimes many people, but more importantly you make them before God. You will need to answer to Him someday for the vows you have made.

The Perfect Husband

Sometimes I just like to throw in a laugh or two. I received this link and want to share it with you. We would all love the perfect husband, well here he is!

Works for me! Enjoy!

Seven Characteristics of a God Honoring Wife

I have been thinking of this blog off and on all day. I guess I was really thinking of the verse from Titus 3:5; "Let the older women teach the younger women to love their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored".

Teach the younger women to:

• love their husbands
• love their children
• be sensible
• be pure
• be workers at home
• be kind
• be subject to their own husbands

This brings to my mind my marriage, my children and my life. I asked myself what was the hardest parts of this for me to fill myself? How do I fulfill these areas? What am I still working on? (Hint: ALL of it!)

Having been a pastor's wife for almost 30 years I am very aware of the marriages that are falling apart, kids that are left without a mom and dad in the same home and how promiscuity has become the way of life for many. While I know there are many young women out there who are working on their marriages and being the wife they are to be, we see wives who are not subject to their own husbands and are so independent and self-centered that they put only themselves first.

Where are you in all of this?

My next post will be taking a look at your marriage vows.

My name is Peggie, and I am older

Growing older has been tough for me. I have never wanted to tell my age, avoid it at all costs. It is like my weight, who wants to tell people they weigh more than they should? I don't! Nor do I want to tell people I am getting older.

Funny huh? We are all getting older, but I try to hide it. I get along great with people much younger than me and most people think I am in their age range. Most of the time I get away with it. Today at church I was point blank asked my age. I was horrified! I stumbled around, tried to avoid it by being funny (at least trying) and they would not let me, they had the nerve to push the issue. How dare they!

Finally I said it, I am 59. It sounded so old! Then they would not believe me. I told them I for sure was and they were sure I was not and was just telling them that since they pushed. I convinced them when I finally said "If I was going to lie about it I would go the other way".

Well, my name is Peggie and I am 59. There it is out for the whole world to see.

However, I realized that being 59 qualifies me to be the older woman that is to teach the younger women. It is a command. It is also something that has been on my heart, but for so long I have not been able to admit I am older.

I hope to be able to write on topics that have to do with the verse Titus 3:5, the things older women are to teach younger women. I will have my email address on the sidebar and well as an IM for you to talk to me when I am online. Please feel free to ask questions and I will do my best to answer both personally and in the blog.

I hope we can grow together, to be the woman of God we are meant to be.