Why I Married My Husband : Guest Post

WHY I MARRIED MY HUSBAND
By Saralee Perel

It seems as if God made a plan: The only creatures that will share their lives with my husband, Bob, will be very needy ones. This includes 4 cats, 2 dogs, 1 pet duck, 1 mouse and Grandpa.

Grandpa, our plain old catfish, is a perfect example of why I've been married to Bob for 30 years. We had a blight in our 29 gallon aquarium a decade ago. All the fish died except Grandpa. Bob cried, as he took his brood outside and buried them.

So 20-year-old Grandpa, who's 1 inch long, has the whole tank to himself. He needs high maintenance. His water needs constant changing and daily testing for impurities and lots of other care.

Since I, too, have needed high maintenance for several years. I've wanted to lighten Bob's load. "Sweets," I said, "I can find a good home for Grandpa."

"He already has a home."

Grant, our 19 year old pet duck, needs a lot of help. In winter, Bob keeps her warm with a heat lamp inside her coop. When the electricity goes out, the lamp won't work, so Grant spends her day in our bathtub. She's very arthritic. Everyday, Bob grinds calcium and aspirin into her food, and stays outside to make sure she eats it.

"Sweets, I can find a good home for Grant."

"She already has a home."

This season, mice come in our house for warmth. With a Hav-A-Hart mouse trap that captures them alive, Bob gets a mouse a day. Each morning I hear, "Time to take the mouse out back." I haven't suggested that it's probably the same mouse, who's unquestionably getting an enormous kick out of all this. I bet that after Bob frees him, that mouse does a quick spin and comes right back in, laughing.

Our old cat Josie, had a prognosis of 2 years, maximum, to live with treatment. On frigid winter days, Bob made the 2 hour drives to a specialist vet at Tufts, a large animal hospital in Massachusetts. This past November, she's outlived all expectations and is happily jumping around like a kitten – now over 3 years since her dire prognosis.

When Bob took her to our superb local vet, he was so joyous upon seeing her – with all her fur grown back and her nutty personality so fully re-blossomed, that he rushed out of the exam room with Josie in his arms, needing to show her off to everyone. Even the vet at Tufts was shocked, "That cat's still alive?"

I believe Josie's wellbeing is not just from treatment, but equally from Bob's love.

And then...there's me.

Five years ago, I became disabled, leaving Bob as my full-time caregiver and keeper of the house.

Each morning, when he wakes me, he is smiling throughout the routine. After putting slippers on my cold feet, he makes the room cheerful – opens the blinds, sticks a cat in my arms, calls one of the dogs to jump on the bed, puts coffee on my computer table – helps me (and whichever cat) into my chair – oh, and of course I get long loving sloppy kisses – from the dog, and then from Bob.

So – all of Bob's needy creatures, great and small, live in heaven on earth. But in reality, Bob thinks he's the one who has it better. No matter the time or place; how busy he is; how far from home he may be, he feels blessed to come rescue one of us – even if my, "Please come home," call for rescue is just to have him hold a very frightened trembling hand . . . or a paw.

I think God made a good plan.


Award-winning columnist/novelist Saralee Perel can be reached at sperel@saraleeperel.com or via her website http://www.saraleeperel.com

She will have two stories you might enjoy, in February's book release of "Chicken Soup for The Soul: Love Stories." And her novel, "Raw Nerves," is available at Amazon: Raw Nerves: A Cape Cod Comedic Thriller

Copyright 2007 Saralee Perel. Used with permission

Redesigning our mind

I do not know about you, but I love HGTV. Not everything, but I love the shows where they tell you how to use what you have. There are several of them, but the ones I like to watch are freecycle, Design on a Dime and Design Remix.

Freecycle they rearrange the furniture, grab furniture, pillow, sheets etc from other places and when they get done the room looks totally different than it did before, but you have spent no money.

Design Remix is a lot the same, but they spend $50 plus paint to show how to make a room look totally different.

Design on a Dime actually buys things and paint, when you come back home it is a new room. Problem is their dime is $1,000 mine is .10! However, you can get some ideas for decorating what you have.

I have a student interior decorator coming to my home as part of her class work and portfolio. She is not charging me but is helping me rearrange what I have to look better. I have bought paint (oops paint at Home Depot) and painted one wall in the room and I will need to buy knobs for the cabinets, but so far my living room looks so much better, and it was all my own stuff that I had!

Yes, it meant getting rid of some things that clutter, things I did not want to part with. It means taking some things and making them less prominent in the room, and other things more prominent. Even though for me it might be upsetting to get rid of or move things, it is much better afterwards.

I began to think of this in another way. So many of us get unhappy where we are, or with our spouse, kids or church. The situation may look bad, may be awful yet God has an answer. We fight and kick when He is trying to do the rearranging bu,t if we let Him, it will be better.

There are things in all of our lives that need to be uncluttered, moved, thrown out. I have been going through a situation here that has had me beside myself. Frustrated, upset, ready to run (no, not from my husband! ) but it took someone close to me to point out that I am here for a reason and that they can see so many changes in some others because of me. She encouraged me not to leave the situation, but to know I am being used of God in a mighty way. She told me to pray more and rest in what God is doing.

I needed to rearrange some thinking, get rid of some clutter in my mind and open my eyes to see how I am being used. I am praying for wisdom, instead of fretting. I am asking to be used more, instead of getting depressed or running.

What is your situation? Are you frustrated, negative and feeling that you wish so and so (husband, kid, etc) would straighten up? Know you are there for a reason. Work on your attitude. Work on de-cluttering your mind and ask for wisdom to be the woman of God you are meant to be.

This hurts, probably more than getting rid of the physical things in the house. We have baggage, harbored hurts etc that need to go. It is in letting God work in our lives that we can look and see how we can be used. Let Him do the rearranging, in that room in our mind as well as in the situation. He has a plan, work with Him for our families and our personal lives.

Oh Poor Me

For "richer or poorer". Do you know what couples fight about the most and split up over? Money. Yup, for some reason so many of us marry with "happily ever after" in our minds and that means no money problems as well.

Not that many years ago people married knowing they would need to struggle. The poorer part was a given. You started out, worked, saved sacrificed for the things you needed and wanted. Nothing was handed to you for the most part, you did not have credit cards to get what you want, you worked and saved and sacrificed. There were not as many divorces back then either.

My husband and I had not money when we married. We married, did without, started out with a chair from here, a part of a sectional for a couch, my old trunk for a coffee table. Our bedroom set was old that was being parted with by a relative. The kitchen table came from somewhere else and some things were even garbage picked from off the street.

We did not have to have the newest nor the best, but felt fortunate to have anything. There was no credit cards to lull us into thinking we could afford anything different.

Our car as was old one that I had bought, from there we went to older that we could dig up and would go. Rarely were we ever broke down on the side of the road and the one time we did have problems were exciting and provided something to laugh at in later years.

Poorer was real.

Richer not even imaginable. However, to us it did come when my husband got a good job while in seminary. We actually made over 6,000 that year (1974). (Man we were rich!)

Today people thing they need to start out with it all, they already have credit card debt entering a marriage and then they add more. No wonder the marriage has a struggle. You can't go on accumulating debt and feeling rich when you are actually in way over your heads. Marriages split, or are miserable to say the least.

My suggestion is to sell, get rid of, pare down and pay off with what you make. There are thrift stores, freecycle, sharing in giving and other places to find used and cheap furniture and items.

Be frugal, do not let money come between you and your spouse. Live cheap and expect the poorer. For some frugal ideas check out Biblical Womanhood. She has a lot of her own plus other people list theirs on Frugal Friday.