Honor your husband

I seem to have "forgotten" something in the vows. Honor. It is a word we do not use towards our spouses. We use it for soldiers (unless we protest the war) we use it for kids "honor your father and mother" but do they know what it means? Usually we are telling them to make them obey. We want companies to honor our coupon, or a sale, or their return policy. But what does it really mean and what does it have to do with our spouse?

Again, I go to Mr. Webster:

synonyms honor, homage, reverence, deference mean respect and esteem shown to another. honor may apply to the recognition of one's right to great respect or to any expression of such recognition . homage adds the implication of accompanying praise. reverence implies profound respect mingled with love, devotion, or awe. deference implies a yielding or submitting to another's judgment or preference out of respect or reverence .

Reverence? Honor? Me? To him? yup! Some may be smugly thinking "man I am glad I did not have that in my vows." Problem is, it is what God expects of us also.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1Peter 3:7

Honor all people, ( yup, your husband is a person!)love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. 1 Peter 2:17

You know what I found? I would go to church women's meetings and most would start with gossip, from there it would go to the bad things that their husband does. This would then be gossiped by the rest of the people there. Everyone would "help" by telling them what they should and should not do because their husband does such and such or else it was like a "who can top this" time where people the women would really get going about how bad their husband is. My husband was pastor of five churches over his 30 years in the ministry. I would go to the women's meetings and end up trying to change it and finally giving up and not going any more. It was supposed to be a church women's group, or women's missionary group and was just a gossip and husband bashing with some Bible and how to help the missionaries in between.

Then there are the women who down their husbands, in public and to their face. "I told you not to do that" or "why do you always..." etc.

Honor? Respect? Reverence? I think not!

Think about things you say to and about your husband. In honoring and respecting him you are also honoring and reverencing the Lord. It will have a major impact on your husband and for the Lord. It is not the way the world thinks, but it is the way God wants us to live. Like love, it is not a feeling, it is a decision to do, an action. Not because we may want to, but because it is right.

Till death do us part

I do hope you all had a great thanksgiving and remembered to thank the One Who has given you all things.

This post was to be up long ago today. Instead I have been trying to get up a sign up for a newsletter. I spent all day on it and still do not have it working. Frustration!

Today I have been thinking a lot about my family. I have four kids in Maine, all grown, married and parents. My oldest son has four kids, the next one down has two. My oldest daughter has two step kids and the middle daughter has five kids. All of them live in Maine. My youngest lives in North Carolina and she,too, is married and has one child. My husband's three kids are all in Texas and close. They are married and each have one child and one has a second due in March.

For me holidays are hard. I love all my children, step and ones I gave birth too. It is hard being away from most of them all the time. Money limits my seeing the ones not in Texas. Birthdays and holidays make things so hard.

One thing though, I have a wonderful husband who understands my feelings and hurtings. He loves me dearly as I do him. When I think of our vows I feel the better and I feel the worse in being away. His home was in Texas, mine was with my family. He owned his home, I was a vagabond of sorts. Moving here had it's heartaches and still does at times. However, I know I married the man God chose for me and that it is till death do us part.

So many think it is till they get tired of each other, or someone better comes along or they do not want to be married anymore. Death do us part is as long as we are living on this earth.

God does have some exception. Adultery is a reason that a marriage can be broken up and the other person have the right to remarry. However, it does not mean they have to leave the offending spouse. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing if the person means it and regains the trust and respect by proving their apology.

I also believe that abuse needs to mean a separation for the safety of the abused party. If the abuser gets counseling and is healed, than the reconciliation should happen.

Till death do us part is a wonderful promise when you are married. It is a security that living together can't give, If you are not yet married, pray for the man you will marry and that God will bring him into your life. Pray for God to direct you both and for the assurance to both of you that this is the one.

I am so happy with Rick. God led us together and gave me the assurance that even though it was a move to Texas he was the man I should marry.

Pray Pray Pray!!

Getting kids to pick up their stuff

Today is Works for Me at Rocks in My Dryer. I would like to offer you something that worked for me when my children were school age.

I do not know about yours, but my kids were rather sloppy. They came in from school and set their coat, shoes, books etc all over the place. Then the toys came out and they were all over making it difficult to walk anywhere.

Time out, spanking, yelling, sending them to their rooms etc, nothing worked. I still ended up picking everything up.

My husband and I decided to try to teach them something about life and responsibility. I bought several baskets and when they would not clean up and I had to everything of theirs went into the baskets. Since my time is worth something and they were being irresponsible we would not let them just have their item back. They had to pay .25 a piece per item or do a job per item. In the beginning they thought we were going to give in, they grumbled because they needed that book for homework, or the jacket since it was chilly outside etc. I did not give in!

Soon there was not as much left lying around the floors, chairs, doors etc. It worked for me!

That Dirty Four Letter Word

OBEY!

Yup, it was in my vows. It is in the Bible.

"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,because we are members of His body.For this reason a man should leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22-6:9

Too many today, to either avoid breaking the vow or out of following the worldly advice, do not have "obey" in their vows. It is not a word we like. Submit, obey, gives us a bad feeling. Most of us are independent, have a brain and think it means we can't use it.

Not So! We are to obey and submit, but he is to love. Someone who is loving and you know has your best interest at heart is much easier to submit to.

Look at the verses. We are to obey our husbands as we do the Lord. He is to love us like the Lord loves. WOW! We both have tough jobs that really can't be done on our own. He must depend on God to love us that way and we must depend on God to obey.

It is only through drawing near to God and work on loving our husbands that we can be submissive. I have a loving husband and most of the time do not have a huge problem submitting. We talk things over and I give my thoughts, or Scripture or desires and he gives his. Most of the time we come to agreement, and very often it is he seeing I was right. He is not a "pansy". If we have a real disagreement I submit to him.

It is our husbands who will face the Lord someday for how they treat us, but we will face Him for our submission. God will also bless us for submitting. However, watch your attitude!! If you are like me there are times that I give in with a grumbling heart. This is not submission! Submission is to humbly and lovingly let him make the decision because it is not only in submission to him, but in submission to God.

Like the cartoon above, I have seen marriages where the man thinks he is the boss. His wife is the peon slave. Not so ! When God said that he will make a "helpmeet for Adam" He meant a helper fit for Adam. Someone to walk by him and help him. A tyrant boss is hard to help. If you are in a marriage like that, pray for your husband. Do not pray with the attitude that he needs to change for you, but, rather, that he should change to please to Lord. Ask God to show you how to be the wife he needs to reach him. This will take changing on your part too.

Cheap Dates

I am playing along with Biblical Womanhood and frugal Friday. I would like to keep this in tune with the purpose of my blog and helping us all be the wife and woman we are to be.

Over the years I have learned ways to have cheap dates with your spouse. I would like to share some of these ideas with you. If there are any men reading this, you can do these too!

I love surprises and I like to have surprises for the ones I love as well. It seems like so many things take so much money and that is discouraging when you are broke or trying to pay things off.

Here are some things I found:

• Leave special notes around, in the lunch bag, on the mirror, on the pillow etc. You can make it like a treasure hunt or just do it for fun. It can be hints about the special dinner you are having, whatever, be creative.
• Plan a late dinner after the kids are in bed. Make it special with candles, your best dishes etc. It does not matter what you serve, even leftovers or a sandwich. What makes it special is the atmosphere and the kids in bed!
• Go for a ride to a close but favorite spot. A park, in town to walk around, some town you have not seen before. I love doing this, I know the gas prices make this not do cheap, but I still love it. I moved to Texas just under two years ago, so there is so much I have not seen. This town for instance. It is a little over an hour away, but so quaint. The store was also the restaurant and a sporting goods place!
  
  
• Learn a craft or hobby together. You can teach each other something if you each have your own crafty things you do.
• Walk around a mall and people watch. Do you know how entertaining that can be?
  

I am sure you can come up with many more if you think about it. I would also be interested in any ideas you have. Check back at Biblical Womanhood for some more ideas in being frugal.

Love

"To love ..." We all have our ideas on love. I love my dog. I love Law and Order. I love the ocean. I love my car and I love my kids. I also love my husband. Different loves.

When the Bible speaks of the love between a husband and wife it is an action word. It is not the mushy gushy feeling you have for the person. Emotions and mushy gushies come and go, but love lasts.

When we promise to love we are promising action; nurturing, cherishing, kindness and putting the other one first.

God is love, we love because of God's love. Without Him it is very hard to keep love going. It is hard anyway! I mean, what couple really has perfect harmony with out a lot of effort and prayer?

Rick and I get along well, I prayed much before we ever married so some things just work. However, we both have to overlook faults with the other and do a lot of loving actions. Some may feel this is hypocritical. However, since love is an action, not a feeling, the action will bring about the feelings if it is done with the right attitude.

What happens when you get on edge with each other? What steps can you take to be loving?

• Cool off yourself. For me, sometimes the cooling off comes by doing something when I do not want to. If we are of different opinions about something and get into it, sometimes just doing something nice for him or something he has wanted ( like the pants he likes that popped a button the last time he wore it..2 months ago) I will fix the pants, make a special treat etc. I cool off knowing I am doing something for him, and he cools off getting the special treatment. We are then free to talk things over.
• Take a walk. If you opt for taking a drive, be sure that you are not so upset that you are not safe on the road. If you drive, get him/her a treat if you can.
• Take a shower or bath. Somehow it just relaxes
• Do not come at each other with negatives, sarcasm or threats. This will not build love and will destroy what you want as goal, even if at that moment it seems like what you want to do.
• Pray! I walk and pray, or do things and pray. It helps me get my perspective back and gives me ideas for showing the love I need to be showing.
  

Love, it is a beautiful thing. It is a commitment to the other person that you will be there doing for them no matter what. It is a bond. I find love can be so easy, yet there are times when it is stretched. However, if we go into the marriage knowing that it is for life and that the mushy gushy may come and go, since it is not love, love will last. Love is a decision we make and an action we take.

One caution here. If you are being abused or your children are, you need to get out and get help/ I am not saying divorce, I am saying help. We love, but sometimes love needs to make the other person responsible for what they are doing and give them the option to change. This is a hard decision, but out of love you need to do something to make them face up to it. The marriage can go on and be loving if you get help. Abuse is not love, nor is putting up with it dangerously.

You don't need the sugar

In my previous post I mentioned that when my first husband became diabetic we all ate the way he had to. I used very little sugar and more whole grains. My kids got used to being a fairly sugar free house for many years.

One thing I did do was make everything from scratch. My sweet stuff used applesauce, pineapple or some other crushed fruit. For pancake "syrup" I took fruit that was in fruit juice and put it in the blender. It poured nicely and went on the pancakes, waffles or french toast as good as syrup and tasted better.

For birthday cakes or once in the while cookies I used 1/2 or less of the sugar the recipe called for. Believe it or not, they taste as good or better without all the sugar. I often would use some whole wheat pastry flour also instead of some of the white.

If a member of the family can't have the sugar (or another item) I felt it best to keep the family as close to that diet as we could. One daughter was highly allergic to milk. I made my pancakes etc with a juice instead of milk. The family particularly liked pancakes with orange juice instead of milk.

One does not need to be sick to make the substitutes. Cutting down on sugar is better for all of us, as well as adding more whole grains. Give it a try! It works for me!